


Futile Devices

by partyclowns



Series: Whose Line Shorts [2]
Category: Sufjan Stevens (Musician), Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 01:52:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18294452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partyclowns/pseuds/partyclowns
Summary: this is obviously based on the sufjan stevens song! woo!





	Futile Devices

**Author's Note:**

> this is obviously based on the sufjan stevens song! woo!

For a lot of my life I felt like a wanderer. I didn't belong anywhere. The few relationships I was in were disasters and my family was a mess, so I never felt like I was meant to be somewhere. It wasn't until I bumped into  _him_ that things began to make sense.

I moved to LA for college, but gave up, and he let me stay with him. We'd been in a few classes together and he decided that he liked me enough to let me sleep on his couch. From that point on I saw the world as a much more colorful place and I owed it all to him.

"This okay?" he handed over a pillow and a blanket.

"Perfect."

"Goodnight, bud." he smiled, shut off the light, and went to his own room.

I pulled the blankets over my face and stared up at the ceiling for hours that first night. He was the first person to genuinely care for me since I was a child and frankly, I began to feel some type of way about him. I didn't want to admit it completely, but he showed me that the world wasn't such a terrible place after all.

On weekends we'd sit in the living room and he'd play guitar, singing softly as to not bother his neighbors. I'd shut my eyes and listen as the strings buzzed and his voice as he covered some dumb song. Sometimes it'd be a cheesy Beatles song, other times it was a classic, but each time it made me fall for him a little bit more. He'd catch my eye when I opened them and flash a sweet smile that made it hard not to kiss him. But I couldn't.

He went to class Monday through Thursday so I would wander through the apartment, searching for something to do. I'd clean, do dishes, sometimes even do laundry. When he got home he'd just smile at me and say, "You didn't have to do all of that." I would always say "I wanted to."

I felt so safe around him. He never once insulted me or made me feel bad about the choices I made. He offered nothing but support and kindness. I didn't deserve it. I just lied around the house all day and did absolutely nothing. I didn't even have a real job. I worked a few hours at a convenient store nearby, but he didn't care.

"Here." I pushed over what little money I had and be furrowed his brows as if to ask what it was. "Rent, or whatever."

"I don't need this, Greg." he laughed and pushed it right back over.

"I'm serious, Jeff. Take it."

"You're my friend—hell, you're like a brother to me! I think your company is enough payment."

I choked up right there. I didn't know he felt that way about me. I thought I was a burden, that maybe he was just being nice. Though he compared me to a brother, I focused on the positive. That he didn't see me as another waste of space and didn't secretly hate me. No, just the opposite.

I wondered how obvious it was. How obvious it was that I was in love with my best friend. Did he know and choose not to address it, or was he oblivious? I wished I was. I just couldn't see why he was single. Compared to me and really on the planet, he was a god. Six-five, a fringe that made him look like a member of a boy band, the sweetest personality, and a face chiseled by Zeus himself were just a few of his traits.

Before I dropped out I heard several girls around campus talk about him. They drooled, flirted, and flaunted themselves around him, but he never gave them the time of day. It seemed strange, but I never thought about it as more than just him being annoyed. But he never talked about being interested in anyone and in the time I knew him, he never went on any dates or flirted.

I went to bed early one night out of frustration when I got a call from my parents. They were begging me to go back to Arizona, but I argued and wound up making them cry. I hung up and went straight to the couch, burying myself under a pile of pillows and blankets. I didn't stay asleep for very long. I awoke to Jeff sitting on the floor next to the couch, his face buried in his hands and I could've sworn he was crying. He was also mumbling and shaking his head.

"Jeff?" I sat up instantly. All I wanted to do in that moment was comfort him.

"I woke you up." he looked at me with red, swollen eyes. I had to hold back my own tears at the sight. "I'm sorry, I'll go to bed."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm bothering you."

"You could never bother me." he sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. If it had been anyone else I would have described it as pathetic.

"I came out to my parents today." he began to cry again. I rested my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him the best I could. Both my heart and my mind were racing.  _He's gay! He likes men! There's a chance!_

"That's really brave. I could never do that."

"I wish I hadn't. My dad went on a long rant about how it's a mental illness and my mom cried. It's something you'd read about in some stupid book except it's my reality. They're probably going to stop paying my tuition and I'm going to be stranded and I'm terrified of losing my friends—terrified of losing you—"

"Why would you lose me?"

"Look at me. I'm a mess! Not only that, but I'm gay. Everyone else I've told has abandoned me, why wouldn't you?"

"Because I lov—care about you. I wouldn't just leave you like that." It's  _too soon to tell the truth, too soon to tell the truth, too soon to tell the truth..._

He stared at me, silent, for a few moments before shaking his head and pulling me towards him. I kissed back, moving to cup his face and trying hard not to let him know how long I'd been wanting to do that. I think he knew because when we pulled away he smiled the same smile as always. This time it was accompanied by tear stains and a red face, but that didn't take away the beauty.

Before I could stop myself the words came gushing out. "I've wanted that for so long, you don't even know. Christ, Jeff, you're the only person who's ever really cared for me..." I rambled on and on until he kissed me again, presumably to shut me up. I sounded like an idiot. A blubbering fool. Still, he smiled against my lips, then hushed me.

"Don't speak."


End file.
